Wednesday, February 20, 2008

"PHILANDERING PHILI" (Feb. 20, 2008)

(RE: Wall Street Journal's “Philly’s War on the Boy Scouts” by Kevin Ferris Feb. 16, 2008)

I want to join a Mosque. Preferably a local Wahhabist Mosque. Our constitution as defined by left-wing liberals guarantees me nothing less - no discrimination, no exclusion from these hallowed halls of Jihadist purity.

I am a gay female Bush-supporting Zionist Jew, and I want to join the local Mosque. I too want the ACLU, hapless Harry Reid and civil rights demon Louis Farrakhan to guarantee my rights and my safety. It's bound to be both a life-changing and educational experience. As Obama deftly says - let's all join together, in change, and conjure up a brand new America.

The Philadelphia City Council is evicting the Boy Scouts from a building the Scouts built and paid for 80 years ago and from whence tens of thousands of Boy Scouts have cleaned parks, run food drives, fed the needy and developed positive life skills. All because the Boy Scouts prefer not to enlist openly homosexual troop leaders and scouts. Why take aim at al-Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah or the Columbine murderers? Why focus on the international plague of female slavery and prostitution, on honor killings in our own backyard when we have the Boy Scouts?

Obviously it's impossible for gay troops and scouts to start their very own chapter. Impossible for girls to initiate their separate scout group. No reason for Boy Scout parents to be afforded any comfortability with their own private social and religious views.

Mosques are public charitable institutions supported by government tax-free status. They should welcome me, gay, female, and Jewish – especially as the Phili City Council will surely support my application for cultural diversity, for religious non-discrimination, for freedom of anyone to join any Boy Scouts, any golf club and certainly any religious institution.

I wait, with bated breath, for invitations from these brave institutions and maybe I'll also get consideration from the Black Music Awards for my latest rap song:

"I wanna bee
the first Jewessee
our first gay hippie
in our Mosque of Phili”

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